Q:  My neighbor is gay, racist, super conservative and scares me a lot but I befriended him on fb anyway. Will this prevent him from burning crosses in my front yard or should I still be on the lookout for that? -Anonymous A: Whoo boy, this is a doozy.  Racist + super conservative = bad neighbor times. Unfortunately this world is full of hate-filled, backwards weirdos. This beast is not potluck party material, so friending him on FB is the way to go. I’m proud of you facing this disaster of a person head-on. If he already accepted your friend request we’re off to a good start. I suggest sending him a Facebook martini immediately and appealing to his fabulous gay side before he sends some seriously destructive FlameWarz (©The Laurens 1999) over to your page! A few “Which ANTM model are you?” quiz results later and you should be in inside-joke mode in no time. JK. This plan will undoubtedly backfire as it is as thoughtless and soul crushing as the man of the hour, so be sure to keep the FB relationship as professional as possible: No app or event invites allowed. You could do the neighborly thing and send over a batch of special brownies, though with his mental stability you could end up with a crime scene on your hands. Keep this joker at arm’s length and all will be well in your world. Love, Lauren

Q:  My neighbor is gay, racist, super conservative and scares me a lot but I befriended him on fb anyway. Will this prevent him from burning crosses in my front yard or should I still be on the lookout for that? -Anonymous

A: Whoo boy, this is a doozy.  Racist + super conservative = bad neighbor times. Unfortunately this world is full of hate-filled, backwards weirdos. This beast is not potluck party material, so friending him on FB is the way to go. I’m proud of you facing this disaster of a person head-on. If he already accepted your friend request we’re off to a good start. I suggest sending him a Facebook martini immediately and appealing to his fabulous gay side before he sends some seriously destructive FlameWarz (©The Laurens 1999) over to your page! A few “Which ANTM model are you?” quiz results later and you should be in inside-joke mode in no time. JK. This plan will undoubtedly backfire as it is as thoughtless and soul crushing as the man of the hour, so be sure to keep the FB relationship as professional as possible: No app or event invites allowed. You could do the neighborly thing and send over a batch of special brownies, though with his mental stability you could end up with a crime scene on your hands. Keep this joker at arm’s length and all will be well in your world.

Love,
Lauren