Q: Dear D or L or whatever intial you are today:
I recently (5 minutes ago) had to defriend some one I love who will remain nameless (my sister) because she always censors my fucked up comments. I try to be funny, but she finds my shit offensive. If I wasnt a real estate broker in the worst market in the country (Las Vegas), I would be doing stand up and “rocking the house”. Anyway, I need a replacement friend to take her place and SHE needs to be someone hot and young (I dont care what age as long as she is legal in whatever country she is from) who likes an old balding thinks he is funny mother fucker.
Anonymous
-Kenny Loggins
A: (Long sigh) Where do I even begin here, Anonymous/Kenny Loggins?
In addition to your apparent identity crisis, it sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now. Shilling property in Sin City stifled your stand-up comedy game, which caused you to release your pent-up comedic frustration in the form of questionable FB posts, which offended your sister, which caused you to defriend your own flesh and blood. Now, you’re lonely and you realize that you need a lady friend to fill the void your ex-communicated sister has left in your life. If I may weigh in here, it seems to me like you’re not so much in need of a replacement friend/sister as much as you are seeking an arrangement of a different kind. And for that, you should look no further than SeekingArrangement.com. It’s a great site that helps guys like you find the ‘sugar baby’ of your dreams. Seeking Arrangement will hook you up with the perfect sugar baby for you: hot, young, devoid of morals, slightly sisterly, into bald dudes, and 100% guaranteed to laugh at all of your jokes. All she’ll ask of you in return is a chunk of that Las Vegas real estate cash once a month and a promise that you’ll keep your hands where she can see them. Fair is fair, right, Sugar Daddy? Who knows—your brand new sugar baby just may be the confidence booster you need to close more real estate deals and start “rocking the house” the way it was meant to be rocked. Log right on to Seeking Arrangement and an aspiring actress or college student will be happy to let you offend her in ways you’ve only dreamed of. Sisters may let you down, but a sugar baby is forever. Isn’t that sweet?
Love,
Lauren
