Q: My ex boyfriend and I are friends on Facebook.  He broke up with me two and a half months ago, and since then I have moved on and he has stayed single and hasn’t dated anyone.  My question is, he makes snide comments all the time either through text/wall postings/or facebook messages, and I’m not only tired of it, but it hurts.  Aside from blocking him what is a probable solution for this? -Tired.

A: Congratulations, Tired, you are officially the Brad Pitt aka the winner of your break-up.  While you’re banging your hot new love in the backyard grotto of your French mansion where your six kids are sleeping, your ex is sitting at home and lonely in his studio apartment creeping on your Facebook profile and wondering what lame romantic comedy he’s going to star in next.  Honestly, winning is hard work and I commend you on your achievements.  Now, onto the fact that your ex is a social cripple.  You can’t control the fact that he is a waste of life, but you can control how much of an effect that oxygen thief has on your overall happiness.  Seeing hurtful things on your wall isn’t making you happy, so why don’t you want to block this turd?  Is it because you like the attention?  I’m not judging you, I’m just trying to understand the situation.

Outside of blocking, the only course of action here is to rub your new relationship in your ex’s face so hard that he has to see a specialist to fix the damage. Show him how much you’re loving life by posting a profile picture of you with your new boo and an entire photo album dedicated to pix of you two engaged in heavy petting.  Top that off by taking every ‘When Will You Get Married to Your Far Superior New Boyfriend?’/’How Much Does Your Ex BF Suck?’ quiz FB has to offer and post that shiz to your profile and mini feed every hour on the hour.  Of course, since you won’t block him, your ex is probably going to comment on all of these things.  Drive him nuts by deleting every single one of his comments.  Don’t write him back or acknowledge him in any way—just delete them.  He will get so angry and frustrated by his inability to express himself that he will explode and then you won’t have to worry about him ever again.  Boom goes the dynamite!

Love,

Lauren