Q: Am I cruel or what?? I have friends who have kids (I do not), and these kids (I mean, they are KIDSSSSSS) want to ‘friend me’ on my fb!!! Come on! I don’t want no friggin’ kid up in my stuff. I always thought they should be like library books…take ‘em out, enjoy them, return them….now they want to be part of my story!! How do I decline without making them feel as inferior as I know they are??
-Anonymous
A: Kudos to you, Anonymous, for coming to the realization that these kids are not worth your time. These are children— they should be seen and not heard, especially when it comes to Facebook. Some of them are cute and stuff, but anyone who still pees the bed, watches ‘Hannah Montana,’ and wears shoes with wheels in them* has no place on your friends list. One question, though: why are you so concerned with hurting these kids’ feelings? Sooner or later these youngsters are going to have to learn that life ain’t no crystal stair; why not make your rejection of their friendship the first in a long series of emotionally devastating life lessons? And don’t stop there— once you hit the ‘Ignore’ button, you should follow up with a private message to each teacup human letting them know Santa doesn’t exist, the Tooth Fairy isn’t real, little Fluffy didn’t actually go to live on a farm, and Mommy and Daddy’s divorce is, in fact, their fault. Honestly, giving little Hansel and Gretel an inferiority complex is the best thing you can possibly do for them. Instead of growing up to be well-adjusted adults and productive members of society, they’ll probably end up penniless comedians or improvisers who live happily ever after in an abandoned warehouse. And really, isn’t that so much better? Get out there and start changing some lives!
Love,
Lauren
*I’ve probably described some 20-somethings in your life. I suggest you delete them too.
