Q: If you notice that someone posted their cell phone number on somebody else’s wall and you have been trying to figure out that persons number for a while, is it socially acceptable to save said person’s number in your phone and act like you just had it “by chance” when you accidentally call them? Same goes for AIM’s with a resulting video chat. -I’d rather not.
A: Dear I’d Rather Not,
You seem like the type of lady—and let’s be frank, we know you are a chick—who does not take ‘no’ for an answer, which is cute in its own way and also a bit cray cray. But hey, girl, you gotta get in where you fit in and if where you fit in happens to be a little box labeled ‘mentally unstable,’ then do you. Like you said, you’ve spent your valuable time and energy ‘trying to figure out this person’s number for a while,’ so just be thankful they are careless with their personal info, discreetly add their digits, and keep on steppin’. And don’t worry about being exposed as the light stalker you are; that’s what lies are for. There are various mind-altering substances out there designed to make people forget their own names, so if this person likes the drink every now and again or indulges in any one of the treats featured on Intervention, you’re in the clear. Should this person start to ask questions like ‘how did you get this number?’ and ‘since when do you have my screen name?,’ all you have to do is say ‘you gave it to me! you know…when you were wasted.’ And if that doesn’t work (IT WILL), you can just tell them that the friend whose wall you lifted the info from gave it to you. Because technically, that ain’t no lie. So plug in your celly phone and log in to Skype because you’ve got some ‘accidental’ contact to make.
Love,
Lauren
Q: Let’s say someone (“Larry”) writes on the wall of a mutual friend (“Jerry”). You do not know Larry in any way other than as Jerry’s Facebook friend, but the comment intrigues you. Is it okay to engage in a discussion with Larry by way of Jerry or is this behavior scary? -Joe L.
A: Good question, Joe, thanks for writing. For many people, but mostly you specifically, Facebook is the only opportunity you (Joe) have to communicate with anyone. So the second Larry marches onto your friend Jerry’s terr(y)tory, it’s your time to shine. In your world, Joe, this is the equivalent of walking into a bar and seeing Larry and Jerry sitting together, pulling up a chair, and adding your two cents to their live conversation. As your therapist, I want you to be able to get involved in conversations and feel confident and worthy. Don’t be wary— this behavior is not scary, in fact I think Larry and Jerry would find your comment the cherry on their wall-chat sundae. So add comments wherever you see fit, and don’t hold back. The people want to know what good ol’ Joe is thinking, so speak up for once in your life!
Love,
Lauren